Friday, 28 June 2013

What to say when you don't know what to say

I know many mango women around me and I'm sure many of you reading this must have faced this dilemma somewhere down the line. How and what to say to a person who just asked you about something you don't know or are not willing to answer about or you simply didn't catch what the person was saying due to the sonorous vocal chords of the people around??? How to correct the inappropriate expression that just escaped your mouth when you were sure that the phrase required some other words or sentences???
My most simple trick is to say "Oops! I'm sorry!!! I was just thinking about something else and looks like I was actually thinking aloud." :)  This is the most used excuse which I believe to exist. The other most amazing and effective thing is to simply dazzle the person with your pearly whites and make a lame attempt to tell the person that the mindless chatter is going over your head and you are just too polite to tell them that so you have decided to leave subtle hints by just giving the person a generous dose of that beautiful smile...:P
Also, cell phones have made this world a much better place to live in. You realize that you are unable to talk or understand the person, you can just make a false gesture of attending that very important phone call on which the future of the world depends...:P
Another idea is to stick to monosyllables by replying in yeses or noes. And if yes or no doesn't suffice as the answer, you can always smile and nod....:P
These are the tricks I use when I'm confused about what to say when I don't know what to say...:D

Monday, 24 June 2013

Scenario at a red signal

A typical day for The Mango Woman would begin by getting up in the morning and turning off the darned alarm before it rings again after 5 minutes. Then she'd get up, brush her teeth, take a bath, choose clothes from her wardrobe and grumble about how she never has anything to wear or simply curse that tank top as she can never find it when she needs to wear that bugger. Then she'd have breakfast..or not..and then she'd leave for work or college or any place she has to go. She then takes out her conveyance and hits the road. She drives nicely and follows almost all the rules and is going about not troubling any one and giving people way to overtake her as they probably have to stop an alien invasion. She then stops after a random vehicle as the light happens to be red. She feels good about it as she has time to apply her lip gloss or she might feel equally frustrated like the guy who just could not whiz by as there were cops who'd jump at him if he moved as much as an inch over the zebra crossing as the light just turned red even though he sped like a mad cow.

However that jerk who stopped behind her is in such a hurry that his brain doesn't allow him to see the light which turned red, as red. He just cannot understand why people stopped at a green light. So, he decides to teach the people a lesson and make them realize that he is such an important person and he has sooo much more work than all the others standing patiently, waiting for the signal to turn green. So, he starts honking. He honks and he honks and he honks!! Then his eyes see a woman who is sitting and applying makeup very calmly. In his mind he is thinking...'Lady would you mind stopping your beauty session as the grownups have to go and save the entire population from wiping off their very existence from the face of Earth'. But, it's a woman and he doesn't think that she'd have enough brains to understand that...Forget brains..she doesn't even have the eyesight to distinguish red from green!!!

But dear jerkface... please don't forget that the mango woman is a law abiding citizen. Unlike you, she is not colour blind. And even if she was to get rid of you and your honking she just couldn't have done anything as growing a pair of wings and flying over that car in front of her is something which is still out of her league. So, the next time you wanna honk at a woman at a red light, you might as well know a spell to grow wings on a random surface...:)

P.S.   The light just turned green and The Mango Woman left....But dear jerkface couldn't get his grubby vehicle to start it's engines and the light just turned red again...:)

Thursday, 20 June 2013

These are a few of my favourite things

While writing the title, the song from The Sound of Music which was sung by Julie Andrews to pacify those scared kids from the lightening, started ringing in my ears....:)
The song has encouraged me to write about 'a few of my favourite things'. Sooo, I'm going to pen my own song with things that I like....Here it goes..

Burgers with cheese which are bursting with chicken
A good story line  with a plot that soon  thickens
Resting on my finger a diamond ring
These are a few of my favourite things

Happy faces and long strands of noodles
The last page of my notebook filled with funny doodles
The air that I feel when I'm riding a swing
These are a few of my favourite things

Beautiful hair and eyes with pretty lashes
Superb looking shoes and cold water splashes
The perfect pair of jeans and a little bling
These are a few of my favourite things

When my shoe bites
When my mother fights
When I'm feeling mad
I simply remember my favourite things 
And then I don't feel so baaddd!!!!  :D

P.S.  Feel free to post your favourite things as comments..:)

Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Bhaisahab please chutta return karo!!

Some recent trend has suddenly enveloped the Indian market and toffees seem to be the official one rupee coin and Munch and Orbit seem to be the new currency passed as five rupees.
The Mango Woman is seriously distressed and has decided to blame the 'dukaan waala bhaiya' (shopkeeper) for her increasing sugar intake. Arre! If you don't have change, it's not my problem. You have this sprawling shop and people come and go by the dozen and yet you fail to keep chutta handy!!! You must be having huge amounts of money if you have such a shop among your numerous properties...then why not go to the bank and ask them for coins worth maybe 2000 a day so that your customers can leave satisfied and the one rupee can smugly sit in a corner of their huge handbags silently and make them richer by a rupee?? Also the woman, the mango woman who has a self proclaimed sweet tooth, would not be tempted to put that delicious looking piece of that savoury lemon candy in her mouth and silently cheat her diet and later blame it on those inefficient weighing machines.
So much for a rupee or five in some cases. Thus, 'pyaare dukaan waale bhaisahab chutta rakhne ka and next time madam ko thoda patla dekhne ka na' !!!

P.S. Some shops cheat the mango women sometimes and instead of a product worth 599, ask and make a bill for 600!!! And the mango women being soooo generous ends up paying the extra rupee to make them a rupee richer than they already were...:P

Sunday, 16 June 2013

I don't like people who grumble!!!

People all around us..Happy people, sad people, carefree people, careful people, back stabbing people, irritating people, know-it-all people, dumb people......all sorts of people.
The mango woman of today has learnt to handle all sorts of people. She can single handedly take on that pervert boss. She can handle those judgmental colleagues. She can take crap from her elders. But what she simply cannot handle, is the unnecessary grumbling which she hears around her. Grumbling regarding the length of her skirt, her hair colour, her eating habits, her flabby arms, her pathetic cake, her horrendous tiffin...MY this busy era, there are still some samples who have enough time to take some time out of their busy schedules to discuss stuff about the mango woman.
Thus, the mango woman has decided to take a cue from the woes of many mango women around the world and write a letter to the 'grumbling' folk who irritate the crap outta them...
Dear Mango People,
I have a humble and simple request from many mango women around the world. I know you work hard to feed your family and live a life of comfort and luxuries. What you do, how you do it, where you do it; any of it is not up my alley. So what I do, what I wear, how I behave, how I live...shouldn't be up your alley either.
However if you have enough time in this busy era and want to make ME the center of your world feel free to do so. Wanna discuss me with the neighbourhood aunty, wanna check out my wardrobe faux it! But but but, this does not give you the authority to grumble about my life. If something is really bothering you, come and talk to me directly. I'll give you a much better and clearer tour of my entire life. But my humble request to you would be...PLEASE STOP GRUMBLING AND COMPLAINING ABOUT ME..!!!
Yours sincerely
The Mango Woman  :)

Friday, 14 June 2013

I live my life...You don't!!!

My life, my way...A very commonly used phrase in every teenagers life. But in my opinion it's on the mind of every person who has that nosy neighbor living next door or that meddlesome aunt who bugs you with her extremely inquisitive personal questions.
In a country like India where your life not only belongs to you and your parents, but also to the fat aunty who luurrvveesss you more than the pesky kid of hers and the beautiful (read old hag) Buaji who can waltz into your room without knocking and even to those long distant relatives who remember to call you on the day you are expected to receive your result but are unaware of your birthday for the past ten gets extremely difficult to label your life as your own.
Those people who are ever ready to judge me and my life from a distance, should come and live my life for a day. I struggle to get up every morning and prepare to meet the monsters in the world, I deal with that long cue to get to my destination, I live my share of tension and don't bother you if I'm unable to cope up, I live my life my way and don't try to sneak a peek into your 'amazingly perfect life'...and trust's NOT  DON'T TRY TO EVEN TRY AND LIVE MY LIFE FROM A DISTANCE.....because..I LIVE MY LIFE...YOU DON'T!!! :)

Thursday, 13 June 2013

yes..i have many facets to my personality

A daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother....many roles I play...
But a friend, lover and soul sister too I portray..:D

A quintessential mango woman has to be the perfect mixture of every relationship acceptable to the society. First a loving, caring and obedient daughter..then a sweet and friendly sister. Further in her life a dutiful wife and then the perfect mother. But what people forget is that the life of a mango woman is not limited by just these roles. They forget that she is not a trophy which you can spray with Kleenex and make it shine by a rubbing a cloth over it. The mango woman is much more than that. Other than being the best goddamn daughter, the perfect sister, the trophy wife and the exact carbon copy of Mother Teresa, she can be an amazing friend, a seductive lover and the soul sister you've been dreaming of when you see that lousy brother  of yours.
She can be wild and party to her heart's content. She can stay up at night daydreaming about her future. She can sit and plot about how to get rid of that hot witch haunting her boyfriend's dreams. She can calculate how she can scrape enough money to buy those tangerine heels she's been eyeing since her last visit to the mall. She can pretty much be doing anything that you pretty boys or the moronic mango men, consider to be their birthright.
If you mango men have the liberty to come home late at night, so does your female counterpart. If you choose to flow against the current so can she. If you don't want to be judged, so doesn't she!!
Yes we're wild, crazy, bitchy, arrogant, lazy....and whatever adjectives you may want to put (feel free to imagine any damn word your vocabulary allows)...but remember, the mango woman is much more than the 'sundar and susheel bahu' the mothers-in-law want.
Take it or leave it....that's the way the mango woman is...!!! ;)

Wednesday, 12 June 2013

Men as cry babies and women...two parts of the human race. It is correctly said, 'You can't live with them and you can't live without them' :P
This statement applies correctly for both of them equally. I'm sure that the mango man and all the other mango women are going to agree with me on this. However having nothing personal against the mango man, I'm going to focus entirely upon the criteria of the mango woman..:P
All women have this ultimate dream of finding their Mr. Perfect and there is a looong list of traits that she wants to see in him. A man has to look like a Greek God, he has to be polite, patient, chivalrous, smart, must have an amazing personality and the following traits can be customized according to each individuals  whims and fancies. But going towards a little darker side, I'm sure each mango woman secretly wishes to find a man who has a stronger personality as compared to her...yes yes, I agree it's difficult to accept it but come on, doesn't it have a little truth in it...even if it is as little a chance of choosing an orange dress over the perfect little black dress???  ;)
Continuing with other weird fixations there is something when a guy cries that mysteriously attracts women to them. There is an immediate breeze of sympathy which blows a mango woman away(at least the one writing this..;P) . Yeah yeah I know, it's very difficult to believe what I'm writing but I believe that when men shed a few tears, the fake swag immediately shakes off and it shows their true self in a much brighter light. This may be the case when a man cries occasionally and at meaningful and emotionally demanding moments.
But since life is all about balance, this trait too should come in a balanced manner. Mango women fell attracted towards meaningful tears and not towards fake crocodile tears. And call it an inbuilt quality, women  do have the ability to differentiate between the truthful and the make-believe tears. So, my genuine advice to those handsome and not-so-handsome mango men out there would cry your heart out at emotionally draining times, but dear mango man, please don't be a cry baby!!! :D

P.S. Dear mango women, doesn't seeing that huge hunk break down in front of  you, give you such a high??? :P

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

The reason for creating this blog

I'm actually totally new at blogging. I wanted to start a blog just for fun, but on second thoughts I actually wanted to blog for a reason. Every random person thinks of himself as a normal person and calls himself the mango man as the literal translation of the Hindi phrase of the 'AAM AADMI'. What I failed to accept was the fact that every damn person wrote about their likes and dislikes through the general perspective of the mango man. Thus, me being a slight feminist I decided to blog about the feelings, likes, dislikes and about life in general through the eyes of the mango woman..or in the desi style, 'AAM AURAT'.
I'm going to write about what I desire and expect from people around me, what I feel about them and what i want to convey to them in the unique and simple style of a mango woman...:)